apparently the secret to your success is patron
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
