Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
