Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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