I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
