Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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