I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
