I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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