well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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