Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
