omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
