yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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