She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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