great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
