I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
