Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
