His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
