i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
