So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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