Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
