She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
