So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
