There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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