girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
