Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
