I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
