so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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