I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
