last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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