Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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