You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
