can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
