After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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