Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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