you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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