Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
