Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is this the sara with the beer cane?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
