There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
