At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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