YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
