Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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