she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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