Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
