he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
