what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
