EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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