:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
