I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
