That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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