Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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