So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
