Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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